By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected
Are Professional Women Facing Bigger Dating Challenges?
If you’re a modern woman – you’re attractive, you take care of yourself, you work out, you’re financially stable, you’re independent, and you’re emotionally strong – then you may be wondering why in the world you can’t find Mr. Right.
How can you be smart, kind, funny, and sexy and NOT have your pick of men?
It’s the fascinating dilemma that’s at the heart of the book Why There Are No Good Men Left: The Romantic Plight of the New Single Woman by Dr. Barbara Dafoe Whitehead.
Dr. Whitehead uses research from the National Marriage Project, among other sources, to examine why so many single, educated, successful young women, are finding it increasingly difficult to find their Mr. Right.
And in today’s newsletter, I’m going to discuss whether or not young professional singletons are really in the midst of an unprecedented man-drought!
What the Research Says about Marriage
We ARE getting married later in life. That’s a fact.
The median age of marriage has risen five years over the past forty years, to between 26 and 27 years of age.
This is largely due to the modern woman’s career path. Many of us are choosing to pursue a college education and get a foothold in our careers before turning our focus to marriage.
Now, the perception is that high-status men, with their pick of potential partners, aren’t waiting as long as we are to get married. Instead, they’re getting snapped up in their 20s, leaving single women in their 30s and 40s with a lack of quality single men to date and choose from.
I’ll tell you whether or not this is true in a minute. First, I’m going to give you a few more statistics.
At the same time, we’re marrying later, less of us are choosing to get married.
The reasons are twofold: we’re choosing to live together rather than marry in many circumstances, and those of us who get divorced are feeling less inclined to remarry and face the hazards of married life all over again.
Now, I want to ask you a question.
When do you think that a single young woman should start worrying about getting married – assuming that she’s never been married before?
Is it when she finishes college?
Is it when she starts counting down her twenties and nears the big 3 – 0 ?
Is it when her biological clock starts ticking in her mid to late thirties?
What do YOU think?
The answer very well might surprise you.
The REAL age that you should be worried about…
All the data indicate that 45 is a crucial age for women and men alike. According to The State of Our Unions 2007, “In times past and still today, virtually all people who were going to marry during their lifetimes had married by age 45” (17).
So if you’re still unmarried by 45 (and this means that you’ve never married before, not that you’re temporarily single as a result of divorce or widowhood), you may be among the 10% of women who never marry during their lifetimes.
Roughly 1 in 10 women will never marry. (In 1960 this figure dropped to 6%, an all-time low.)
But this does NOT mean that these women will never find love!
More and more of us are choosing to enjoy nontraditional relationships. Many become serial monogamists, staying in committed relationships for several years at a time before splitting up and immediately entering another long-term relationship. Others become accustomed to living with a partner and feel that they don’t need the sanction of a formal piece of paper to be considered “man and wife.”
So do we really need to be that worried, if we’re professional women approaching our thirties or forties and wondering when our prince will come?
What We Need to Know about Our Chances of Meeting Mr. Right
Our belief that we have to be married before we turn 30 (or 40 as the case may be) is a hold-over from earlier days in which marriage was a priority for setting up a household and raising children.
Marriages aren’t just about those things anymore. According to the National Marriage Project, marriage has become less child-centered and more focused on the union of two soulmates.
People don’t just want to meet the future father/mother of their children. They want to meet their soul mate, their best friend, and the person whose company they’ll enjoy forever.
As a result, both men and women have become much pickier when it comes to making a commitment as big as marriage.
We’re all aware of the high divorce rate, and we hope that by being more selective we can minimize our risk of contributing to those statistics.
But here’s the key:
Men aren’t any different from women in this regard!
We’re both holding off until we’re sure that marriage is the right decision. We’re both holding off until we finish our educations and feel more secure in our careers.
So to say that all the good men are snapped up in their twenties is completely false.
There are still just as many good men holding off on romance until they get a foothold in their career as there are good women.
Plus, couples who marry at younger ages are more likely to divorce, leading to a new influx of divorced men who are looking to get it right the second time around.
There’s nothing wrong with postponing your hunt for a marriage partner until you’re older. Your chances of having a marriage that lasts are significantly greater when you’re over 25, college-educated, and earning at least $50,000 a year.
So why feel like you’re missing out if you’re in your late twenties and haven’t gotten married yet?
All it means is that you’ve got an even better chance of your first marriage being one that lasts!
What You Can Do to Overcome the “Romantic Plight of the New Single Woman”
Here are three tips to help you feel less anxious about being single.
If you focus on scarcity, you only attract more scarcity into your life. If you focus on abundance, you will attract abundance! It’s the Law of Attraction, and it’s a powerful tool.
Focusing on the fact that you don’t have a mate will just make it more difficult for you to find one! But if you have confidence and faith in the fact that the right man will show up in your life when both of you are ready for each other, then the journey along the way will be a lot more fun.
Enjoy being a woman. One of the biggest challenges facing professional women is that they treat all men, even the ones they’re dating, like clients. They perform like they’re on a job interview and can’t understand why they don’t “get” the relationship.
The professional “you” that’s so successful in business won’t help you attract a man. If a man wanted a business partner, he’d go into business. In romance, a man is looking for a woman, and it’s your femininity that will win you the part.
So get out of work mode and remember what it’s like to be a lady. Watch old movies with Audrey Hepburn or Katharine Hepburn. Allow a man to treat you or open a door for you. Wear a feminine, frilly dress and flirt!
Be generous with your heart, but don’t lower your standards. Fear can cause a person to do some foolish things, but nothing is more foolish than getting married to someone just because you’re worried that he’s the best you’ll be able to find.
I still remember the story my mother told me of a lovely woman who had a fantastic job, a lovely home, and loads of friends. The only hole in her life was the fact that she didn’t have a child. She was nearly 40 and knew that if she didn’t have a child now, her childbearing days would soon be over.
She met a mediocre man through mutual friends, and they started dating. He was lazy and didn’t keep up his appearance, and he didn’t want to do any of the fun things that she wanted to do, such as traveling. He was a homebody, while she was a social butterfly.
So what did she decide to do?
It was only after they’d been married for six months that she found out that he didn’t really want children. She was stuck with an oaf of a husband and no chance of having the family she’d always wanted.
There’s no happy ending to that story, but there is a message.
Don’t make any decision based on fear.
If he’s “just okay,” then he’s not good enough to be your life partner.
The best advice I ever heard regarding marriage was, “If you have any doubt in your heart at all, then he’s not the right one.”
At first I had a hard time believing this advice – after all, I’d always had doubts regarding my boyfriends – but from experience, I can assure you that it’s true.
When someone is right, you’ll know.
It really is as simple as that.
If you’re ready to take the plunge and learn why men pull away – Click here to watch my free video presentation…