By Mirabelle Summers
Author of Get A Great Guy Guide
If you want genuine men and not just any man, this will challenge your beliefs about love and attraction, and show you the way to become a seduction success story, check this out…
Understand and Conquer His 6 Biggest Relationship Fears
Before you move to the next step with your man, read this!
Entering a new relationship can be daunting, especially if you have been single for a while.
It’s a time when your routines get shaken up and you have to start thinking about his needs, as well as your own.
But all of your fears are nothing when you compare them to the excitement and joys of a new relationship, right? Well, you’d think so.
But all too often you hear of a woman meeting a great guy and falling in love, only to have him get cold feet and pull away at the last minute because his relationship fears get overwhelming.
Now many would say that this guy wouldn’t be worthy of a second chance. And this may be rightly so.
But relationship and commitment fear is something which affects a lot of single guys, so I thought it would be important for me to let you know what the 6 BIGGEST FEARS are that men have when it comes to entering a relationship.
This way, you will know what to look out for and will gain an understanding of the fears that may be running through your man’s mind. And understanding these will give you the ability to DIMINISH HIS FEARS before they have a chance of giving him second thoughts.
Fear #1: That you will discover his ‘true self’ and reject him.
Although men will do their best to never let it show, inside they all have A LOT of insecurities – just like we do.
“I wish I was taller” “I need to work out more” “I wish I could be as funny as that guy” “She’s too good for me”
Believe it or not, your man is constantly comparing himself to other men to see if he measures up. He worries that people are going to eventually see him for how he views himself in his worst moments (e.g. unattractive, boring, lazy), and does his best to compensate for this by acting macho.
In particular, he fears that YOU are going to start seeing through his confident ‘disguise’, realise your mistake and then reject him for someone more worthy.
You may be thinking: ‘WHAT??? That’s not my man!’
Thank again. He is a lot more vulnerable than that hard exterior lets on.
What you can do: Find opportunities to regularly give your man the message that you love him exactly for who he is. That he is enough. That you don’t need OR want anyone else.
Fear #2: That he will have to stop doing what he loves.
Sometimes guys get this all-consuming idea in their heads that having a girlfriend will equal no free time. They worry that before they know it they will be having to trade in their time hanging with the lads, playing sport, and watching TV for shopping and rom-coms.
Where do they get this idea? I don’t know.
But what I do know for sure is that any guy who thinks I want to be with him 24/7 in a relationship can think again – we need our girl time and time to ourselves just as much as they need theirs.
What you can do: Give him space in the relationship to do his own thing. Encourage his time playing golf with his buddies, and don’t ask to tag along.
Make sure you keep up all your own hobbies and interests, as well as time with your friends and family.
It is essential for a happy and healthy relationship that you both have your own interests as an individual.
Fear #3: That you will stop making an effort for him.
Please don’t take this the wrong way. But your appearance IS highly important to him. He may love the way you look now, but that silly voice in his head is wondering:
“Is she going to let herself go once we’re together?”
You may not realise this, but the effort you put into your appearance is actually a signal to him of how much you care. Let me repeat: the effort. Not how closely you resemble a supermodel, but the effort you put into your self-presentation.
Although it’s natural that you will both relax a bit once in a committed relationship, he will be looking out for any major changes related to your appearance.
Changes, for example, in your eating or exercise habits, effort you put into your hair and makeup, and clothes you wear around him. Don’t worry – I’m not talking about any natural aging here!
What you can do: Keep looking after yourself after you have become an item. This doesn’t mean going to any extremes, just try to keep generally fit and healthy, think about what you wear, put a brush through your hair in the morning, and make a bit of extra effort when you are going out. Easy!
Fear #4: That he won’t be able to provide for you.
Guys feel a strong need to be able to provide for their partners and families, no matter how well you may already be able to take care of yourself.
Respect that his need to provide is part of his male identity, and that this is something he may feel quite strongly about.
This fear might particularly affect men who don’t have a steady income or aren’t yet ‘set up’ in life, as well as men in a situation where their potential girlfriend earns more than they do.
What you can do: Always show your appreciation when he does show generosity and want to provide, but don’t ever take it for granted. If he doesn’t have much money and you do, try not to flaunt lots of flashy new buys in front of him, and get creative when it comes to dates.
Pick venues or activities that are either free or low-cost, to ease some of the pressure from his need to provide. For example, suggest a picnic at the park rather than an expensive restaurant. Half the cost, double the romance!
Reassure him that you don’t need to lead an expensive lifestyle to be happy, and are proud of him for the work he does.
Fear #5: That you will want to settle down straight away.
The connections are forming in his head:
‘She wants to be in a relationship with me now. How long is it going to be before she wants a wedding ring and houseful of kids? There’s no way I’m ready to be a husband or a dad’.
Obviously, if you have met in middle age, you may be comfortable moving things along a bit faster than you were when you were in your twenties.
And there is nothing wrong with thinking about the future and knowing what you want in terms of children and lifestyle.
But men often need a bit more time to think about these things, and the start of a relationship is a really delicate time where talking about big decisions like moving in together or having kids could easily cause him to freak out.
What you can do: Try not to put any pressure on the relationship at the start. This should be a fun time where you are just getting used to each other and enjoying each other’s company. Now is not the time to start making any big decisions.
As your relationship progresses, there will be times where it is natural to start having more serious conversations about your life goals and where you can see the relationship heading.
Just make sure that you gently introduce any big ideas and give him some time to process them. If he needs more time, accept this – some ideas take a while to get used to.
Remember, it is never a good thing to try and force anyone into getting married or having children.
Fear #6: That he won’t be able to keep you happy.
He may have finally got you to go out with him, but now he’s bound to be thinking:
“Heck, how am I supposed to keep this amazing and gorgeous woman satisfied?!”
“I can’t do romance. I can’t cook. I can’t keep her happy.”
Honestly. This is a genuine fear that is going to be running through his mind: that although he may have you under his spell right now, he is soon going to run out of tricks and the magic is going to fizzle out.
‘But why?!’ you may be thinking. ‘He makes me SO happy every day’.
What you can do: The best way to reduce his anxiety around this is to constantly show him you are happy. You probably do this already through smiles, laughter, thank you’s, and affection.
As well as showing him, be sure to actually tell him every so often just how happy he makes you feel. And as long as he is still making you happy, all I can say is keep it up.
Also, if you want genuine men and not just any man, let us challenge your beliefs about love and attraction, and show you the way to become a seduction success story, check this out…
No games. No scripted lines. Real life dating advice for real women!