By Mirabelle Summers
Author of Get A Great Guy Guide
If you want genuine men and not just any man, this will challenge your beliefs about love and attraction, and show you the way to become a seduction success story, check this out…
Understanding Men’s 10 Biggest Fears
Have you ever watched a playground of children playing?
It’s a familiar scene: the boys are running around, shrieking with laughter and shouting, while the girls are sitting quietly in a group discussing the complex social rules of their new game.
Boys and girls play differently, and they carry those communication differences into adulthood.
It’s almost a rule of thumb that, with any gathering of women, there will be lots of talking and sharing going on.
Women love to talk about the things they care about, and they’re not afraid of opening up about their fears.
Men, on the other hand, are comfortable hanging out together in silence. You can be sure that a male gathering won’t involve all that much sharing of deep thoughts and feelings; instead, it tends to be about one-upmanship and physical competition.
I get emails from a lot of women who are frustrated with the communication in their relationship. They want to know what’s going on inside their man’s head.
They want their man to open up and share his feelings. Their man, on the other hand, is perfectly happy with his “strong and silent” image, and he wants to keep it that way!
I still remember the time I asked a boyfriend to tell me about any fears he had about us being able to cope with a long-distance relationship.
Instead of opening up, he got upset. “Fears?” he said. “Why would you think I’d have any fears? We love each other, it will work, and that’s THAT.”
But what’s REALLY going on inside a man’s head when he says something like that? Was it really true that he had no fears … or was it just that he wasn’t willing to admit it?
That’s why I knew I had to research the topic for the fourth and final week of our Month of Male Mysteries Revealed.
What are men REALLY afraid of? What worries are going through their heads that they’re not telling us?
If your man refuses to open up to you about his deepest fears, then you’re not alone. Many men believe that it is unmanly to talk about feelings.
They were raised to believe that a man doesn’t fuss much over what he’s feeling; rather, he just gets on with it.
That’s why I had to go to men themselves for the answer. David Zinczenko is editor-in-chief of “Men’s Health” magazine, and he interviewed 5,000 men about what they wished women understood about them.
The result was his book “Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User’s Guide for Women,” a fascinating look into the male mind, and the source from which I compiled this list of ten of the top male fears in a relationship.
My research paints a portrait of men very different from the calm, cool, and collected gods that they’d like us to see them as.
Instead, men worry just as much as we do, and their fears give us an invaluable insight into the male mind.
In no particular order:
10. Men worry that they’re not being “man” enough.
9. Men worry about not “measuring up” in the workplace and in the bedroom.
8. Men worry that you’ll compare them to your exes and find them lacking.
7. Men worry that they don’t look good enough to keep you from straying.
6. Men worry that you’ll gain weight … a LOT of weight.
5. Men worry that they won’t be able to make you feel better when you’re upset.
4. Men worry that they’re not going to have sex with anyone else for the rest of their lives.
3. Men worry about not being good fathers.
2. Men worry about hurting you – even if it involves breaking up with you.
But what was the greatest male fear of all? That’s our Male Mystery #1…
MALE MYSTERY #1:
“A man’s greatest fear is not being able to make you happy.”
Surprised? I sure was.
We know from Male Mystery #1 that men care WAY too much about what you think, but do men actually spend that much time worrying if they’ve made us happy? Come on! Aren’t men supposed to be selfish adolescents more interested in sports and sex than in being a good partner?
Clearly, there’s a deeper mystery at work.
The key to understanding this male mystery is to look at how men understand what it means to “be a man.”
To be a man is not only to be a “strong, silent type.” To be a man is also to be a “protector” and a “provider.”
Although most men will admit that they enjoy having a woman take care of them and would even become house husbands if given half a chance, there’s still a part of them deep in their psyche that sees their proper role as head of the household or the breadwinner in the family.
Yes, gender roles are more fluid now, but the idea of “man as provider” has been around for a long, long time, and will be around for an even longer time to come.
There’s no way that your man could NOT have been influenced by the model of the nuclear family, in which the wife was the mother and homemaker while the husband was the primary breadwinner.
As a result, your man feels good when he can provide for you. Whether it’s something as simple as bringing home a pizza or as major as putting down a deposit on a house, providing makes him feel like he’s truly a man.
John Gray, author of “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus,” explains that men feel best as givers and women feel best as receivers.
As long as a man is able to give and the woman able to receive his gift, both will be fulfilled in the relationship.
But that’s the hitch…
Women today have been told that they shouldn’t rely on a man to make them happy. They’ve been told that they shouldn’t accept gifts from a man unless they can give a gift of equal value back. Modern women have been encouraged to be financially independent and provide for themselves…
…All of which leaves men without a role to play in a woman’s life.
Think about it: what can a man do for you any better than your best female friend – aside from sex, of course? (Studies have shown that women place their friendship with their best friend on a level equal to that of their lover.)
But men want to be more than the booty call in a woman’s life. A man wants to know that not only is she happy with him, but that the THINGS HE DOES make her happy. He wants to feel that there are things that he can do for her that NO ONE ELSE can.
And that’s the secret to winning a man’s heart. Let him know how happy he makes you. Let him play a role in your life. Appreciate each and everything he does for you, even if he blushes and brushes off your compliments with an “Aw, shucks.”
Men LOVE to be appreciated for the things they do. They love feeling like they have a special role in a woman’s life. They love being the one that a woman comes to when she needs the help that only HE can provide.
But not all women know how to receive a man’s gift with grace. Many of us feel uncomfortable when a man goes over-the-top in doing something nice for us, as we prefer being on the giving end ourselves. We’re so used to doing everything ourselves that we leave him feeling like a guest in our lives.
As women, we must learn how to invite a man into our lives and make room for his unique contributions.
We must learn to receive the gifts that he has to offer us with gratitude and appreciation rather than neediness or demands. Show a man just how happy he makes you, and you’ll make HIM the happiest man alive.
That’s it for our Month of Male Mysteries Revealed! Now you know four secrets into the male psyche that he’d be too embarrassed to tell you himself.
1. Men care way too much what you think.
2. Men crave everything a woman has that he doesn’t.
3. Men aren’t always up for sex.
4. A man’s greatest fear is not being able to make you happy.
P.S. I want to leave you with one final male fear that I found incredibly interesting:
“Men are always secretly afraid they’ve done something wrong.”
Does that sound like your man? Make sure to tell him when he’s done something RIGHT, and he’ll be yours forever!
If you want genuine men and not just any man, let us challenge your beliefs about love and attraction, and show you the way to become a seduction success story, check this out…
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